But You Don't Look Ill...

I was on the bus the other day when an older guy got on and there were no seats left and I was sitting at the front nearest the door in the higher chairs that most people avoid. Normally I would offer my seat but I was having a particularly bad day with pain in my spine, shoulder and exhaustion and didn't feel I could. Not only that but this guy might have been old but he was moving around easily and there were many other people near the front of the bus who could also have offered.

I was subject to dirty stares and tuts for a few stops when the lady next to me, a little older than me but obviously strong and moving around easily offered her seat to the man and he refused anyway! Sadly this sort of thing has happened to me (as I'm sure it has to you other chronics out there) all my life, mainly because people assume as they can't see anything obviously wrong with you and especially if you're younger and 'well built' you must be fit and healthy.

I remember once when I was about 9 and going through a particularly bad health time ( I would often fall asleep on my mum's shoulder when we were on the bus) and old lady actually had a go at me and told me I should show more respect to my elders, I was mortified, I am by nature a people pleaser and to be told off by a total stranger (coupled with Dr's continually telling me and my mum my bad health was in my head) really hurt. Mum spoke up telling her I wasn't well, but it didn't stop the lady having a good ol' tut and huff as she stomped off.

The old saying 'Don't judge a book by it's cover' could never apply more than to those with certain chronic illnesses. I know I can recall Dr's, colleagues/other kids at school, even teachers all judging me and my 'so called health problems' because they couldn't physically see anything. Illnesses such as EDS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Metal Poisoning and CFS among many others can be devastating but you can rarely see any outward sign of them and there are no sure ways to diagnose them as yet. But think of it this way how would you react if someone told you they were currently fighting cancer? They had not lost their hair and were able to get out and about. Most people would sympathise and give help if they needed it (not that chronics are looking for pity btw~ I've found in most cases us chronics are pretty stubborn and proud people!) and yet if you mention something like CFS many don't pay any attention or believe you and some known to make nasty remarks and roll their eyes.

If you're a chronic know that you're not alone and if someone does react or treat you bad because they don't believe you it is probably because they fear the unknown. If you're not a chronic please bear in mind that things aren't always as they seem, there could be a lot more going on inside a person than you can see on the outside. Just because someone has managed a way to hide their pain doesn't mean it's not there and just because science hasn't discovered something yet doesn't mean it wont (is the Earth flat?) and doesn't mean the illness is in the person's head.

Peace & Love xxx